How surreal and magical to be able to be in a room with other people, drawing a nude model, after spending more than 6 months alone in lockdown. I’m not going to lie, it was extremely overwhelming.

One line female nude lifedrawing in charcoal - by Rose Wintergreen, 2020 - blindcontour abstract expressionist

One line female nude lifedrawing in pencil on A3 paper - by Rose Wintergreen, 2020 - blindcontour abstract expressionist

I had moments of panic (“Oh my god, this is too much, why am I not chilling out alone in my own peaceful company instead?!”), but also happy silent weeping of gratitude tears. It felt so indulgent to be allowed to see another human’s face unmasked for so long (2 hours!), and to be allowed to explore every shape of it slowly.

Ursula (my inner critic) was like: “Make good drawings! You paid money for this! Don’t waste it!”, which was awful pressure. But I noticed it happening and spoke back to her silently: “dude, that’s so unrealistic and unfair! She’s not had any opportunity to do life drawing in almost a year, she’s still not used to being in a room with more than one person at once, let alone this many, and yeah, she used to be able to make some good drawings sometimes, but she’s going to be rusty. Stop being so harsh. Just coming here at all and sitting down with the drawing materials is a huge achievement in itself. She’s here for the pleasure of it, to play and explore and take her attention for a walk. Not to be crushed and bullied. Back off!”

Close up - one line female hand lifedrawing in pencil on A3 paper - by Rose Wintergreen, 2020 - blindcontour abstract expressionist

I am so grateful I consciously noticed it happening and talked back to Ursula. It meant I managed to land. I even enjoyed a bit of time where I lost myself in the flow and forgot about the strangeness.

Nothing existed except for the noticing of shapes and the model’s emotional energy, and the physical sensation of the charcoal scratching across the page. Absolutely blissfully present. I live for those moments.

One line female nude lifedrawing charcoal and pastel on A3 paper - by Rose Wintergreen, 2020 - blindcontour abstract expressionist

I’ve been cultivating these moments more intentionally. Drawing without looking at the page does it, which is why I don’t let myself look. Breath-work meditation helps, too. I was doing some breath-work under my mask at times in this class last night, too. Breathe in for 3 seconds. Hold for 5. Exhale for 7 seconds. Repeating it 5 times or more helps me land again when my mind takes off.